I’ve always had a little voice in my head, particularly when I was younger and less assured”, he said. Well not only did it last, it continued and still continues to enhance every aspect of my life to this day. I wasn’t sleeping very much at that time but it felt like I’d wasted the last three years as a walking zombie and I didn’t know how long this new alive feeling was going to last. As my health came back, I was able to help my dad on the building site by day and then write songs all night. I felt so alive, I could f***ing taste it. Colours burned brighter, orchestras played in my head. The illness that had smashed me to pieces, the horror that had me fighting for air, isolated and trapped behind an ice wall now enabled me to see the world with growing clarity as the ice melted. So I sat there with my acoustic guitar and I wrote and wrote and wrote. The illness took a while to lift, but as it did, the demons that kept me up all night just enabled me to spend more time writing. It wasn’t living and it wasn’t pretty, and so that’s as much as I want to say about it for now.Īged 22, I picked up a guitar for the first time and learned some chords. As the pain from the scalding water went through my body the voices just got louder and more horrific and more confident and started laughing and saying I deserved it repeatedly over and over, and that I should use the knife on myself before I hurt my family on the other side. I remember shaking uncontrollably and sitting in the bath and turning on the hot water hoping the shock would bring me to my senses.
I didn’t want to hurt anyone but I’d been fighting my thoughts for months and I’d got to the point where I’d become terrified that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. Once I locked myself in the bathroom because all I could hear in my head were these awful voices telling me to hurt and kill. I’d spend all day fighting my thoughts, and all night running from imaginary demons and voices. I went down to about ten stone, which isn’t very much when you are 6ft 2” tall. I was having up to fifteen panic attacks a day. I couldn’t even cope with basic functions. It felt like the rest of the world was at the other side of translucent bullet proof ice. I won’t go into too much gory detail here but all I will say is that for the best part of three years I was in a living hell. In his blog, Danny McNamara recently wrote:īetween the ages of 19 and 22 I suffered from a horrendous condition called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
There was a lot of confusion inside me, this flood of voices, often contradicting each other, often telling me stuff that would happen in the future, and then it would happen, voices insulting me, telling me what to do. When I was 18, 19, 22, my brain was just clogged all the time – non-stop voices. It wasn’t until I was 28 that my brain actually felt like a spacious place. John Frusciante (Guitarist, ex Red Hot Chili Peppers) We’ve included a few of these people below. Many famous and noted people have spoken about their voice-hearing experiences in the media.
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